Learning Gender Terms

Keohi has a little pal here, 5 year old Kaylie, a little girl. There's a big difference between 4 and 5. This was today's conversation I overheard.

Keohi: Okay, so that's my husband!
Kaylie: What husband?
Keohi: My husband! This is a husband, okay?
Kaylie: You can't have a husband. You're a boy.
Keohi: I have a husband. My dad.
Kaylie: Your Dad is your husband? What? He's not your husband.
Keohi: Yes.
Kaylie: Weeellll, okay. Your dad is not your husband.
Keohi: Weeellll, okay.


A few day's ago the car conversation was this:

Kaylie: And I had nail polish.
Keohi: I had nail polish too! I did pink nail polish!
Kaylie: You can't do nail polish. That's for girls.
Steph: Keohi and I did nail polish together.
Keohi: Pink.
Kaylie: Pink is for girls.
Keohi: My dad likes pink.
Kaylie: Huh?
Steph: Yeah, Keohi and his daddy like pink.

Interestingly enough, Kaylie didn't really seem bothered by any of the content, nor really surprised and just kind of rolled with it. At 5, you're still open to whatever is presented to you. But the window shuts pretty quickly after that, is my guess. I guess the key is how to keep the window of possibility and potential wide open. How is it that we come to think in narrow constricted terms? How does that gentle nudge that helps to define who we are one way or another, push us both to understanding and creativity? How does tolerance work?