Lazy Sunday Diving at the Mui Wo waterfall

Well, one of the reasons I like living in Mui Wo definitely happened today. I was so tired, but any attempted nap was thwarted by Keohi throwing pillows at my head, stacking blankets in a pile and jumping on them from the bed. So much for lazy Sunday afternoons. I have hazy soft focus memories of this Sunday indolence, but it's not happening with a 4 year old. So we decided to head up to the waterfall instead. Keohi packs up his scuba diving gear and we hop on the bikes and go. No car seats, no shopping mall destination, just a bike and a walk and we're there. Tried to explain that scuba diving at the waterfall was probably not so easy, managed to convince him not to use the fins, but that was about it. He put on his wetsuit top, kept on the corduroy pants and T-shirt, and stuck the snorkel in his mouth and mask on his face. The HK tourists were looking a bit, but given that many show up with serious winter hiking outfits (wooly socks, big vests with deep pockets for provisions etc...) in the middle of the summer, they took it all in stride. Keohi had a good diving session, then met a fellow villager who told me she read the blog. Miracle. Someone out there reading it. Nice to know sometimes you are just not writing into the Black Hole of Cyberspace...

Oh yeah...so I wanted to comment, as I often do, about childhood or aspects of child rearing based on what is happening with Keohi. Since this blog will mostly serve as his own record of what was happening in the far future, I figured that's fair enough. At least he can know my perspective on things and what and how I attempt to negotiate his childhood as his parent.

Bullying...

OK, this hasn't really come up yet much. Not that much...there was a little incident yesterday though, so I have been thinking about it... He's still in the preschool phase of life, but I suspect it may rear its ugly head much earlier than one would suspect here.
I really can't stand it and cannot let it go as simply a normal aspect of childhood.

Bullying is damaging to the victim. As an adult, I know that bullies are often very troubled children who have learned this type of behavior due to their surroundings and express their own hurt through aggressive behavior, but as a former victim of bullying, I really think parents need to look out for signs of bullying and call bullies and/or bullies parents' out on this. It's not about learning to tough it out on the playground. Most kids need the support of their parents to help them through this type of challenge. They might be provided with tools about how to talk to or how to avoid a bully, when to involve a teacher or adult, or a little physical self-defense (for all those who suspect their child may get bullied, I strongly advise martial arts lessons--it teaches physical self-confidence. I'm biased, I did it and taught it, but it's true, it can help smaller kids navigate a tough playground)

Within the situation of bully and victim is also the possibility of a third very important player--the empathetic child. The empathetic child will see what is happening and may also learn an important lesson about human power struggles and relationships. Empathy is one of the most important and difficult skills or qualities to cultivate in a child. Sympathy is quite different, though also necessary to have as a developed rounded person. An empathetic child, is a compassionate child--one who will learn and understand what it means to be human, what it means to participate in the grand scheme of human relationships. An empathetic child will think about community and groups quite differently, and is most likely to develop a one on one relationship that is based on a mutual understanding. Empathy means you can not simply see, but you feel what the other person is thinking or going through. To be empathetic, however, is to make yourself vulnerable to the difficulties and troubles of humankind, which may be painful, but think of what kind of society we would have if we were all a bit more empathetic? The third player, is often the friend of the victim or simply stands in solidarity with the victim or who also, in the worst case scenario, also suffers with the victim, as he or she knows what the victim feels.

When I was a kid, part of the reason I was picked on was because I stood up for other people, but to not do that? I would suffer the repercussions of my own guilt and that simply was not how we were taught to think. We're connected was the message that my parents tried to impart. If people suffer discrimination, bullying, or what have you, you cannot just stand aside. You have to take a stand, or you're one of the people who is doing the bullying. I will say frankly, to live like this means you are usually on the outside of whatever is going on. But there are many people who are on the outside who think the same, and in the end, you can only live with yourself about this.

So this ramble just ends up a ramble...with me thinking I will soon be telling my son, "It's okay to be different. It's called thinking outside of the box. It's called standing up for something. It's about living a life of meaning and prioritizing what is important: humanity."

It's tough out there...but in the end if you know someone in your family stands behind you, you can get through it all...the challenge of growing up...